In this post
Grief is a part of life but why and what does it teach us?
I lost my grandad 5 years ago to cancer and recently I lost my nan too.
This grief stays with me always but now I know and understand why we lose our loved ones and what it’s trying to teach us.
Grief is a feeling we get when we lose something or someone we love.
Grief can happen when a pet or person dies, or when something changes that we don’t like.
It’s okay to feel this way because it shows how much we care.
Sometimes, talking to friends or family helps us feel better.
We might miss what we lost, but with time, the sadness can get smaller.
It’s normal, and everyone feels grief sometimes, but we can always find comfort and love around us.
Enjoy and don’t forget to comment at the end, I love hearing from you and subscribe to get access to FREE printables, newsletters, the latest posts and more.
Grief
Grief is an inevitable part of life, right? I mean we all know that in the end, we will die, but It’s the truth.
But we just hide from it and sometimes we even refuse to talk about it, perhaps that way it won’t happen.
Grief is a shadow that follows the loss of a loved one.
It is an overwhelming emotion that touches everyone at some point.
Recently, I lost my nan, a woman who was more than just a grandmother to me.
She was someone who I was close to, someone I could talk and connect with.
The void she has left is immense, and it has reopened the wounds from losing my grandad five years ago.
This blog post is a way for me to process my feelings and, hopefully, provide some peace to others who are on similar paths.
As always I am here for you. Please feel free to comment at the end of the post, I like hearing from you.
My Unique Bond with Nan
My relationship with my nan was special. Others in the family didn’t get on with my nan the way I did and I am conflicted with those feelings of anger and sadness because of that.
Nan was short, think of Napoleon. Despite her height, she was fierce and others were always a bit afraid of my nan.
I have great memories of when I was a child and going off in her car, having a birthday party in the restaurant she owned and of our chats, days out and trying to get chocolates that she kept around as she was diabetic.
Nan always got straight to the point when she was talking and I get that from her but she always told me she loved me.
Losing her feels like losing a part of myself, a link to my past, and a beacon for my future.
The grief I feel now is layered with the memories of my grandad’s passing. He was a gentle, fun, one-of-a-kind soul with a heart full of kindness.
I dream of them both, sometimes my grandad visits me and I see them out of the corner of my eye when I am busy during the day.
The pain of his absence had settled into a quiet ache over the years, but losing Nan has brought it back to the surface, raw and real.
Understanding Grief: The Five Stages
Grief is often described through the five stages proposed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
It’s important to remember that you may find yourself experiencing them in a different order, or revisiting some stages multiple times.
1. Denial:
At first, it is hard to accept that Nan is really gone. If I am honest I don’t think I have fully gone through this stage yet.
I find myself in disbelief, expecting to see her at the weekend in her favourite chair or see her message appear on my phone asking when I am visiting.
It is important not to rush through these stages and It is equally important to allow yourself time and give yourself compassion when dealing with grief.
As we know everyone is different and I dealt with grief and the loss of my grandad in a different way.
I had never lost anyone before losing my grandad and I still look at pictures and find it difficult to believe he isn’t in this world with me anymore.
2. Anger:
Anger can be directed at the situation, at the unfairness of it all, angry at the person for leaving or even at ourselves for not being able to do more.
I felt anger that my time with her was cut short and that she wouldn’t be there for future milestones, like seeing her great-grandchildren grow up, spending special occasions together, and telling her all about our holidays.
When my grandad died I felt angry at myself for asking him to be strong and fight it (he had cancer) angry that he left me alone in the world and angry that I didn’t know what was happening to him at the end.
I was even angry with other people for continuing their lives and not stopping to acknowledge the greatness that had passed.
Of course, strangers had no idea that my grandad had died, but I couldn’t help thinking after that day that people were dying all the time and I wasn’t showing sadness for others either.
I was there when both my nan and grandad took their last breaths and I got the chance to say goodbye I think that helps massively when you deal with grief.
I am not saying you should be there when a loved one passes but I am saying it helped me and it was the right thing for me.
Each one of us is different and it may be you decide not to be there or you don’t get the chance to be there.
3. Bargaining:
This stage often involves “what if” scenarios and I am very good at what if’s anyway.
These what-ifs are a desperate wish to change the outcome.
I found myself thinking about what I could have done differently, how I could have spent more time with both of them and If I could have stopped this from happening, even though I couldn’t, we still have these thoughts, these views of ourselves as the cause of their death.
4. Depression:
Depression as we know is deep sadness among other thoughts and feelings.
The reality of the loss sets in, and it can be hard to find joy in anything. I’ve had days where the weight of my grief felt too heavy to bear.
Wanting all the pain to end right now.
I have suffered from depression on and off throughout my life but depression through grief is different, at least for me anyway.
You are not alone, although you may feel it.
Please speak with someone, a friend, family or a professional if things are too much and you feel as if you cannot cope another day with this pain.
5. Acceptance:
Acceptance doesn’t mean forgetting or being okay with the loss.
Nor does it mean that you wake up and feel you can cope or that you forget.
It means acknowledging the reality and finding a way to live with it.
I’m still working towards this stage, trying to find a new normal without Nan and Grandad.
As I said at the beginning you will go through these stages in different ways and sometimes go back to a stage.
I have days where the grief feels manageable and other days where I am back to the start and re-living it all over again and the pain feels so intense like I’ve just lost them again and again.
People say it gets easier and you just need to grieve but I don’t really know if that’s true.
What I do know is that because I have had these two amazing people in my life and lost them, I have learnt new life skills.
Going through these losses has made me stronger and made me see how important the people around me are, especially the people I care about and the ones who care about me.
I know this all sounds cliche but it is true, life really is too short to wait.
Coping with Grief
Everyone copes with grief differently. Here are some ways that have helped me:
1. Talk about it:
Sharing memories and feelings with family and friends can be incredibly healing. It helps to know that others are also grieving and remembering the good times.
2. Seek Professional Help:
Sometimes, talking to a therapist can provide the support needed to get through such a difficult time.
3. Create Rituals:
Lighting a candle, visiting a favourite spot, or creating a memory book can be comforting ways to honour your loved one.
4. Take Care of Yourself:
It’s easy to neglect self-care when you’re grieving.
Ensure you’re eating well, getting enough sleep, and staying active. I find this helps bring some measure of peace.
5. Allow Yourself to Feel:
Grief can bring a whirlwind of emotions.
It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or even numb. Allowing yourself to experience these emotions is part of the healing process.
Moving Forward
Grieving the loss of my nan and grandad has been a rollercoaster of a journey, but it has also been a time of reflection and growth.
Their love and the memories we shared are treasures that I will carry with me always.
The pain of their absence is a sign of the depth of the bond we had.
If you are also grieving a loss, know that you are not alone.
It’s okay to seek help, to lean on others, and to take the time you need to grieve.
Grief may change over time, but it remains a part of us, shaping who we are and how we live.
In memory of Nan and Grandad, and all the loved ones we hold dear, let us cherish the moments we have and honour their legacy by living fully and lovingly.
Bee Inspired. Bee Joyful. Bee You.
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The person behind it all
I am a Mumma of three, a Wife, a Home Educator, a Blogger and lastly a Chronic Pain Sufferer.
The most common questions I get asked are “How do I get my hair curly, is it natural?” “
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“You must be really smart to educate your children, are you a teacher?”
and lastly “What is CRPS?”
I have suffered from chronic pain since the age of 10, it has been a daily struggle ever since.
I know thousands of people suffer as I do and I want to share what helps me and my expertise in CRPS, chronic pain and more.
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