In this post
As a mum of two girls, I know how hard it is to be a parent. In this post, I will share these five simple tips that will make your life as a parent much easier. From having all the answers to temper tantrum solutions, this post is a must-read for any parent looking to up their game.
I am a parent, a human and I get things wrong too.
Sharing my knowledge as a parent is what I am looking to do, not judge or shame anyone.
We can not do all things all the time and nor can we do them in the way we would like all of the time. But making sure we try is important, as I’m sure you would agree.
Don’t be too harsh on yourself, you are doing your best and some children require more attention and energy than others.
I have two girls whom I home-educate and one is neurodivergent, I also suffer from a chronic illness so being the dream parent image quickly goes out the window.
Using these simple tips every day, I can remind myself of what’s important in parenting.
As always I welcome you to, comment, subscribe, contact me and follow me on my socials.
Listen
Yes, I did say simple, didn’t I?
However, you would be amazed at how many of us, and I am guilty of this at times too, when we don’t actually listen to our children.
As a parent, we are so busy trying to do a million things at once, that we don’t take the time to listen.
Remind yourself of what it would be like to be in your child’s shoes.
This is how you can listen today
Stop what you are doing if possible and look at your child, this will let them know you are interested in what they have to say and helps build a strong, trusting bond.
Listen to what they have to say (even if you are not really interested in what they have to say)
You can ask questions like, how does that make you feel? Or would you like my help with that? Again this shows your child respect and care.
Doing this will give you both instant joy, love and respect.
It's ok not to know
To some, this makes perfect sense, but to some, they have been brought up to the opinion that you should know everything.
This is not true. We are humans, not robots, It is ok not to know the answer to every question your child throws at you.
I think society says as a parent, we need to be able to do it all and do it all of the time. I personally don’t agree with this.
How to show it's ok NOT to know the answers
When my children ask me a question and I don’t know the answer (which is most of the time) I use this as a bonding moment.
I say “That’s a good question, I don’t know the answer but let’s find out”.
We get the tablet or laptop out and together we use good old Google.
Not only are they learning computer skills, but they are also learning to know it’s ok to not know things, you didn’t laugh at them or tell them they are stupid for not knowing.
I don’t know about you but when I was at school and I didn’t know the answers to things I got laughed at, and told I was stupid.
So what did I learn? Yes, that’s right, that not knowing the answers means I’m stupid.
I’m sure you would agree with me when I say, I don’t want my children to grow up thinking that. Do you?
Don't try to reason with your child
When children have temper tantrums, they see red. When I’m vexed I don’t see reason and I’m taking a very good guess that you don’t either.
Nor do our children, but yet we expect them to.
When to reason with your child
Just don’t. That’s right just leave them.
When you are angry you don’t need someone trying to teach you a lesson, at that moment right? You want to be left alone to cool down for a bit.
This is the same for children.
Give them time to calm down, that is when you can talk through the situation with them.
Doing it like this means they are more likely to listen to you, you are calmer too and more likely to handle the situation better too.
Be consistent
This is something I believe we are all guilty of at times. Life isn’t black and white. We live in the grey but trying to explain that to a child is inconceivable. (big word for me)
When I talk about consistency, I’m talking about your child asking to go out to play but you said they needed to tidy their room first, but you let them go out and play without doing it.
Then tomorrow arrives and they ask the same thing again but this time you put your foot down and say not until your room is done.
Let me guess this has led to a massive meltdown and this is because we are not being consistent.
They don’t understand that it was ok and now it isn’t.
For my daughter who is neurodivergent, being consistent is important and when I slip up she can’t handle it.
To her, it seems unfair, like I’m a liar or changing the rules to hurt her.
I don’t believe this is just children who are neurodivergent that feel this way but they may not express it like my daughter does.
Being aware of this is essential as a parent to avoid unnecessary conflict.
This goes for everything we say and do.
Granted sometimes we change our minds because something happens, or our plans change for whatever reason.
How to be consistent
This is life and all you can do is explain that you are sorry you said they could watch TV when you got home but actually, you have to take the dog to the vet because he is unwell.
Meltdowns may still happen, but some meltdowns you can’t avoid, you can only use the steps above to manage the situation.
Communication
I firmly believe this is the most important tip of all, and not just as a parent but as a human.
More marriages fail because of a lack of communication. Isn’t that a shame?
Communication is key as the saying goes.
We may think our children know we love them but when was the last time you told them?
Maybe we think they know what’s expected of them each morning because we tell them every day (sigh) but they are kids and remembering to brush your teeth is not at the top of your child’s list of things to remember, sadly for us. Lol
How to communicate
Don’t wait till tomorrow to start, start right now.
How often do we ask others about their day without really asking? It is a habit. Something that slips off the tongue and we don’t give it much thought.
Usually, the replies are the same too, right?
We stop actually paying attention, imagine how well we could communicate if we just paid attention to others.
Stop what you are doing and grab your child, tell them you love them.
Ask them how they are doing, and what they are feeling, and thinking.
We don’t realise the amount of pressure children are under nowadays with phones, gaming, social media etc, not to mention the after-effects of Covid and lockdown.
Having a child who is neurodivergent means communication is essential to keeping her on an even baseline.
I have to repeat myself all day, planning to make sure she knows what we are doing for the day and so on, but this communication between us is creating a stronger mother-daughter relationship of trust, love and memories.
This lets her know she can talk to me about her thoughts, worries and interests, knowing that this is an acceptable way to talk to others because this is what she has learnt because this is what I’ve shared with her.
Never underestimate the importance of communication.
We all need a little bit of support, care, and attention, but never forget that you are a great parent and are trying your best!
Resources:
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The person behind it all
I am a Mumma of three, a Wife, a Home Educator, a Blogger and lastly a Chronic Pain Sufferer.
The most common questions I get asked are “How do I get my hair curly, is it natural?” “
“How are you so organised?”
“You must be really smart to educate your children, are you a teacher?”
and lastly “What is CRPS?”
I have suffered from chronic pain since the age of 10, it has been a daily struggle ever since.
I know thousands of people suffer as I do and I want to share what helps me and my expertise in CRPS, chronic pain and more.
So, I started this blog to share my answers to those questions, journey and experiences with you. I have always been passionate about health, personal growth, and creating a balanced lifestyle for myself and my family.
Searching for ways to enjoy life in a minimalistic way, be part of my children’s education and reduce stress and pain as a whole is important to me.
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